Fiction Writing: The Sentence

Writing sentences in my fiction writing class. Tell me what you think! I welcome comments, criticism, and advise. =)

Pulsating bones became suffocated in their sockets,eventually cracking the flesh, causing the light to leave his body, as his consciousness oozed peacefully through his pores, exposing his soul to a realm of timeless boarders.

Update (?) : Standing tall without legs, his pulsating bones became suffocated in their sockets, cracked the flesh, and made the light leave his body.
His consciousness oozed peacefully through his pores, exposing his soul to a realm of timeless boarders on the day he was supposed to die.